This is actually not the first day, but so many things have happened
so this is the first day I am writing to you.
Monsters arrived again but this time things felt different.
The space is building up slowly.
The bar is open.
There is a sign on the wall
and it seems its discourse is written in blood.
Ping-ponging, gazing at unguaranteed movements.
A fridge was filled with magical potions
half filled glasses speaking in tongues:
“Down with conservativeness!
Viva la transicion!
Viva la Disco!”
Magical poisonous mushrooms soaking wet in the rain.
Cards were unfolding.
Black gooey cube, she digs in.
In the beginning was the world. In the beginning were five hidden images.
What meaning could the two bags carry for us?
Anxieties arose as we re-enter peripheral square zero.
Sorry, I’m daydreaming again.
Nadežda, what are you afraid of?
Yesterday the monsters said they are afraid of me,
but nobody asked whether I was afraid of them.
Their tongues moving, repeating the same clichés.
Can they find love for who they really are?
Hope, as you probably know, dear Nadežda, feels like an empty hotel.
Ghosts of war and empty words followed me into the basement.
News reports and men in suits.
Robotic voices made me think that maybe
these are ghosts from the turbo future.
Talking follows seeing,
and seeing follows thinking.
I had a vision of four young men stealing a stone
from the crater of the beginning – the beginning of the end.
No matter what comes,
there will be an unpayable exchange.
Wounds can be blessings
as monsters suddenly arrive,
interweaving my broken pieces into one tapestry
but the only piece that is still missing in this body is you.
This day felt like someone wanted to mix a cocktail
hitting the shaker with a hammer.
but ouch, it hurts.
Edges were folding and unfolding.
Scissor hands handling touch
for the enemy of both sides.
Evil entered the bar.
Blinding flashing lights.
The eye swallowing and mouth watering.
Do you think museums are like dinosaurs?
Skeletons and fossils of the past on unreachable pedestals.
See through me, between the cracks of broken windows,
how fragile the art world is
running in circles for decades to come.
The space today felt like being on cloud nine.
Our limbs felt heavy to not chase the day.
Ghostly present in thick layers of fog.
Telling of a future already in the past.
But hüzün has no space in here,
hasn’t it stayed long enough already?
Never mind, monsters don’t believe in failure.
Days and nights are merging into one potion.
I have your song playing on repeat since you left,
Today this song is for you.
Things are quite hectic, it's hard to find a quiet spot to write this letter
Words echo the space in a strange rhythm
Sounds of silent movement crashing like waves
Coming closer and drifting apart
Every deletion initiate a new start
As we evolve into a collective body with many voices
Repeating what’s in the room
These letters demanded me to paste them in the room
The wine glasses started to spit on me as I refused to kiss them
and a flower started looking at a man
Self care is always a must after a long journey
Today I entered into a beauty salon
Glimmer and shimmering as they paint my nails
I hear the secrets that are kept away
At some point I swear I listened to you screaming
Collect the bags
Turn off the lights
Try not to forget anything
I think tonight I’m leaving this foggy city
It doesn’t make sense to wait here
As your voice started to sink in me